sugar-hearse

I’m feeling really down because nothing really good is happening in my life right now and instead a lot of bad changes are going on and it’s been really really hard to stay positive and remind myself this is temporary because I feel like I’m in constant turmoil at all times and I’d actually really enjoy it if good things stayed at least.

-I am in the process of getting a new car which is STRESSFUL because I never built up any credit and so I can’t get a loan on my own which makes things really difficult and I have to likely deal with some sketchy used car dealers who are like “no credit? No problem!”

-I have to find someone to share my room with me by the end of the month because I sure as hell cant afford to cover their share of the rent. My other roommate hasn’t helped with finding someone whatsoever and the one time we had someone interested he was off fucking his FWB in NoHo instead of meeting the potential roommate

- my job hasn’t given me a raise for two yearly performance reviews in a row now. My income isn’t sustainable for my rent, food, and now car payments. It’s part of why I can’t get approved for auto loans, because my income is too low. I have been searching for new jobs online because I can’t really go around to places that pay well or are in the fields I would like to work in. I haven’t heard back from a single job I’ve applied for on Indeed and I’m pretty sure that site is useless. I heard back from a job in December and they offered me a job after interviewing me and everything only to completely ghost me. Never heard from them. It was super weird. I could potentially pick up some extra money doing Wag dog walks but I don’t have a car right now. So I’ve been staying at my mom’s for a week so she can drive me to work. I miss my apartment. I miss my dog. I even miss my shitty roommate who prioritizes sex over his responsibilities.

- this is stupid and pointless to whine about in the grander scheme of things in my life, but I also am pretty bummed about being single. I don’t really like online dating, it’s always been very “meh” for me and I’ve yet to meet anyone I actually like off of it, everyone I’ve dated from online sites have been people I tolerated and thought I liked but on second thought I was like “oh yeah yikes that was definitely forced and I shouldn’t do that”. Dating is HARD, y'all. I haven’t been laid in over a year. My self esteem is super low. I just wanna magically fall into a relationship with someone I know so we have a baseline established and I can be comfy and not have to worry about the stupid beginning part where I meet them HAHAHAHA. I know I’m picky. But come on. I really don’t think it should be so hard to find someone I’m into who is into me and where we can fall in love. Jeez.

- because I don’t have a car I can’t do a majority of the fun things I enjoy doing, and it’s making me more isolated and lonely.

I know this is temporary. I know it’s only the beginning of the year and things will probably be way better from here. But jeeeeeez I want to be happy again, damn it. I’ve had enough of this garbage month.